The Voices In My Head
When I was a kid, I loved cartoons—and Donald Duck was a favorite. Although they were in re-run, the cartoons from the 30s were fresh to me and I particularly enjoyed Donald’s sense of unruliness and fun. I remember the one where he has the “good” and “bad” angel voices in his head trying to influence him. I enjoyed Donald’s “inner dialog” and the trouble it brought to him.
I have those voices in my head, too. Not schizophrenia, mind you, but voices nevertheless. My voices are quite a bit like Donald’s. There’s one voice that tells me what I should or could have done better. It tells me how to “behave,” and it’s similar to Donald’s “good” angel.
There’s another voice that tells me I can misbehave. It seems to enjoy getting its own way—even if other people are put second. It’s a bit selfish and self-centered. I guess that must be Donald’s “bad” angel (devil).
I’ve reached some insights about the voices in my head. The first thing, which is evident from the cartoon, is that they are my voices. In the cartoon, it’s clearly just Donald dressed up as the angel/devil. Similarly, my voices come from me, even when they remind me of my mother or father or ex-partner. They are my voices. I can take ownership of them and change them if I need or want to.
The other insight is that the voices are not good or bad. They just are. Sometimes it is fine to put myself first and make sure my own needs and wants are met. Sometimes the “bad angel” is just recommending self-care. And the good angel? Sometimes he can really be a pain! How good is it to be a self-doubting perfectionist? How good is it to always measure up short when compared to unreasonable standards?
I guess the bottom line is that self-talk is only useful when it helps us to get what we want and need. Ideally, self-talk empowers us. It emphasizes what we’re doing well and gives us an incentive to try new things and to accept more good in our lives.
If self-talk is dragging us down, it’s probably time for a change. If the voices inside your head highlight the negative or promote self-shame and recrimination, maybe you need a little silence.
After all, all those voices are our voice. We can learn to speak differently.